Depressed

by Jessica L

Things have certainly been different around the Cullen household lately.  There is an edge or a funk hanging over the entire Mason house that just refuses to go away. 

Rosalie and Emmett have returned to Indiana to resume their daily lives there.  As if Julia leaving wasn't stigma enough, Rosalie and Emmett going home was the last straw.  It is almost as though this big house is empty now.  Regardless of the fact that there are still five of us flitting about, five of us who never sleep, never need any rest, or never need to eat.  It still feels dismal, cold, and lonely.  Maybe the never needing to eat part is half of the problem. 

Esme hasn't been humming as she does her household chores.  Carlisle doesn't rush home from the hospital quite as quickly as he used to.  Alice has been holed up in her bedroom after school on most days, trying to get a grasp of whatever visions she thinks she is seeing.  Carlisle made it clear that we should leave Julia to live her own life, but Alice is determined to figure out the Volturi thing.  Yet apparently there is nothing more to figure out.  She can only see a few members of the Volturi- and none of them ones that we recognize- moving about in formation, on the nightime streets in Italy.  Nothing to worry about, and yet she keeps worrying. 

Jasper has apparently been told- or perhaps he just knows- to leave Alice alone when she is trying to see whatever she thinks she needs to see.  So he hangs around the rest of the house, sulking like a teenage boy whose girlfriend just dumped him, as though it were the end of the world.  Sometimes he will read a book, or go hunting, or even watch television, but his heart isn't into anything- his heart is locked inside the room with Alice. 

Meanwhile, I am keeping my mind and body busy about as effectively as Jasper- except without the pouting.  I am trying to read, play piano, hunt a little more often than necessary.  I even caught myself watching football the other day.  Emmett would have been proud.  When Carlisle comes home, I bombard him with my company, as does Esme.  We fight over him like children seeking their father's company.  Except that Esme is his wife and they need their alone time, so I usually lose that fight.  I am eternally bored again.  School is boring, life is boring.  I have explored every inch of this house, and learned more than I could ever imagine about my family- and even that has begun to bore me.  What is left?

Carlisle and Esme are planning another trip to Isle Esme soon.  Then I will be even more bored.  I am going to go out of my mind here.  I think I am going to take a trip of my own as well.  I met an intriguing vampire of interest while traveling not long ago- a friend of Carlisle's of course- and perhaps I will pay him a visit.  He is somewhat nomadic, but settles for short periods of time.  His philosophies and lifestyle are very interesting, similar to those of Plato- whom he admires greatly.  Of course, he feeds off humans, but I can adjust around him.  There is always plenty of wildlife.  Last I knew he was living in a small cottage somewhere near South Africa.  I think I will track him down with my amatuer tracking skills and pay him a visit for a while.  It is about time I get some philosophy shoved down my throat anyway.

So for now, I am going to cut this short.  I will take my journal with me on my travels, as I am not sure how long I will be staying or how long it will take me to find him.  Olek is usually a man who doesn't seek to be found.  I will write again soon.
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